My wife, Amy, is good at pointing out when I’ve lost the plot. Whether she intends to or not, her incisive questions tear straight through the webs of reasoning I create for my pursuits.
“Why are you taking on this project?”
“Do you think this is realistic?”
“How do you know you can trust these people?”
If I am perturbed by her line of questioning, it’s probably because I don’t have a good answer. The more quickly I become annoyed, the more likely she’s onto something. And if I am immediately, deeply offended, chances are pretty good that I’ve lost the plot.
Once I realize that my ambitions have plunged me into bitter uncertainty, how do I fix it? First, I have to identify why I am floundering. Usually, it’s because I have fallen prey to temptation.
Many things can divert my gaze from the right path, but for the sake of simplicity let’s bucket them into four categories: money, power, pleasure, and honor. I can withstand temptations involving money, power, and pleasure, but I am weakest when tempted by honor. Honor is my idol. Of all the temptations, impulsively pursuing honor is most likely to end badly.
Perhaps my most honest answer to Amy’s question (“Why are you taking on this project?”) is something like, “Can you imagine the deafening applause I will receive if I succeed in this impossible task?!” This is genuine honor-seeking behavior, and in my trusted wife’s eyes, it’s damned nonsensical.
This leads me to a difficult decision.
Will I…
- Recognize Amy is asking a good question, recognize further that I’m being tempted, and then examine whether I am foolishly chasing my idol, or
- Blindly surge after the idol?
More often than not, I blindly surge.
But that’s not how the story should end. Self-awareness is the first step towards change, and I want to grab my limbic system by the horns, wrestle my temptations to the ground, and kick them to the curb. This means pursuing opportunities that have objectively better risk-weighted outcomes while foregoing the idols that tempt me.
I can only do this if I have developed the strength to fight temptation, which is perhaps a topic for another time. But let’s claim this now: admitting the temptation, and recognizing weakness, are no small victories.
