A few weeks ago Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson sat down with author Arthur Brooks to record a podcast on the science of happiness. About halfway through the conversation, they hit on a topic that I’ve been hammering on recently.
Arthur Brooks: “Unless you have sanctified suffering in your life, you will not become strong, you will not learn, you will not grow…”
Jordan Peterson: “And you will not be able to withstand suffering when it comes… and it will.”
Brooks: “My students ask me, ‘So professor, are you saying I should go look for suffering?’ and I say, ‘Don’t worry, it will find you.’”
I have a different answer: seek suffering now.
Why? Because suffering is inevitable, and you must build the disciplines and mindsets in advance so that you can survive the challenges to come. That way, when suffering knocks on your door, it doesn’t knock you off your feet.
This can be a very simple and productive practice. Suffering doesn’t have to be monstrous – and self-inflicted suffering certainly shouldn’t be. The focus should be on shifting your mindset toward the uncomfortable good.
The things we walk past daily, pretending not to see – the dishes in the sink, the weeds skirting the edge of the lawn, the homeless person on the street corner – what does this avoidance teach us? The avoidance reinforces the idea that we are islands unto ourselves. Which, as John Donne asserted in 1624, is objectively false.
Learn to seize that feeling – the uncomfortability and desire to shy away, to declare yourself an island – and transform it into an impulse to lean in.
There’s nothing like experience to teach us the ties between current pain and future reward. Why douse yourself in icy water after your hot shower? To remind yourself that fear of discomfort does not control you. Why fast on Fridays? To know that you can be joyful even as you are hungry. Why go on pilgrimage? To understand that worthy telos can transform your suffering into the utmost fulfillment.
The suffering I prescribe must be, to borrow Brooks’ term, “sanctified suffering.” Suffering that is oriented toward the good. This distinction is vital and the ability to discern sanctified suffering is the most important part of an intentional suffering practice. For example, fasting for religious observance is directed toward the good. “Fasting” in a disordered desire for weight loss is not.
Yes, seek suffering. Do it now, in doses you can handle. This is your training for the dreadful, undesired suffering that will inevitably come. Because it will find you, and you need to be prepared.
